Communication

Some days we work in sync. Other days we are far from good communication.

We are coming closer in our words and working together. I am talking about in marriage, so often Justin and I forget to communicate with intent, and instead settle for less than greatness.

We had a chance to buy a perfectly used twin bed set yesterday from a friend for a really good price. When we arrived at the garage sale, there are so many other treasures we liked.

Here is the communication break down and background on why we did not effectively get to the same point.

What do you think? Will this work for Jacob. I like it, and if he, for some reason, does not sleep well on the mattress, then we can buy a new mattress later on and place this one as the trundle.

It's purple and has flowers on it. Won't that be hard to cover with white sheets?

Maybe we can buy something to cover it.

That will cost more.

How certain are you about purchasing it today?

I am 95% certain.

In my mind I hear two red flags. Justin has this extreme fear of Jacob possessing "girly" colors or flowers in his room. In an indirect way he is telling me that it is PURPLE and he will not have purple in his son's room. In the past two months, I have dragged Justin to mattress stores and looked online at Craigslist for twin mattress sets. He has fore knowledge of quality and cost, and that it is not feasible to buy brand new at this time. We also have a need for Jacob's room to function more properly for two reasons: a full bed does not leave Jacob much room for play in his room and we need adequate sleeping arrangements for guests and a twin and trundle could fill that need. The second red flag is that he says "95% certain". I want a complete buy-in. I have hunted for the item and need Justin's approval, and I saw it as a shoot down.

Justin's sees that we have been at the garage sale way too long. He is thinking Jacob is acting poorly since he wants to touch everything. He also just wants to get his hair cut and watch the Aggies play. He does not understand why I am asking for his opinion when I have already take all of this time to research and talk to friends about the mattress. He is just reminding me that a dark mattress will show through white sheets and does not mean he does not want it.

In the process, I hear one objection and shut down. Why could I not think - a mattress protector will keep the purple from coming through the white sheet. And, we can cover the box spring with a fitted white sheet or protector. And, why did Justin think such thing would make this set more expensive, when we would have purchased those items anyway. Why did we not think? And, why do we both shut down communication.?

Needless to say, we left, and I prayed that God would give us grace. If it did not sell, then we would come back to buy it. Needless to say, it sold. And, that is wonderful news for our friends.

At the heart of the matter is communication. How we interact, how we speak to each other, the words used, the tone given and the time to focus.

I shut down because I saw Justin's question as an objection. He shut down because he did not want to make a decision and was focused on himself at the moment. I wanted approval, and I wanted the mattress set. Justin did not care, and also spoke to me harshly before leaving the garage sale because of Jacob's behavior and he thought I was taking too much time.

Poor communication. Poor listening.
What would have been best? To remember we are not our own. We have been bought with a price - through Jesus Christ. It is a heart matter, and no amount of nagging or should-have-had will change that. It is a condition that can only be changed by listening to Christ and reading His Word. Pray with me that we all improve our communciation so we work together and love each other in the way Christ has called us to live.