First of all, we have spent who knows how much on paint samples and paint color. I even paid someone to give a color consultation. Every neutral "tan/beige" color we try looks good or okay in the kitchen but when we place it on one specific wall all the colors look overly gold or orange. I tried the colors by the interior designer. They look nothing like the color card. The main color on our funky wall looks orange no matter the light (except at night with lamps on - then it looks khaki). So, we went back to the store and bought samples of a different tan color. I tried them and they looked good. We bought paint last night and Justin put it up last night. I walked in and thought it looked awful. It's not orange, but doesn't look like I pictured according to the sample colors.

I am mad that when I like a color it looks so different painted in the entire space. We are this close to having it painted. I want to cancel Jacob's birthday party because it's not painted. I sat in the room this morning and feel so mad at myself so not picking a good color and for waisting so much money on paint and consultations and whatever. I am not just mad, but stressed, but also just disgusted with myself. I feel like I cannot get it right because I am pregnant. I feel like I cannot move on until this color thing is fixed. I can't move to think about the baby or her room until this paint issue is fixed.

Maybe you do not understand. I have been waiting for two years to paint this room. I have not put pictures on the wall or hung curtains because the walls were so dark and my dark decor made it even more dark. I want my baby's pictures on the wall. I want to feel at home. But all I feel is frustration over color. I am tired of two months of semi-primed white walls. I need help!

I am not functioning very well today. I started by running to Wal-Mart for fruits and veggies this morning before Justin went to work. My mistake was to think over and over how the new tan color didn't look like I pictured it. It is still not want I wanted. We bought the actual paint last night - that's wasted money. That means we have to buy more paint and that means less money for pictures frames and other things I wanted to add to our house.

I was also in a funky mood because I went to the store without eating. I was also worried about the baby. She is kicking and pushing, but not as much as usual. My doctor said to do the kick test when I saw her yesterday. She is moving 10 times or more in 4 hours. I cannot say this to Justin. There is no time to do so. And, he will just think I am crazy.

Which brings me to the next issue. I was. I was REALLY mad this morning before Justin left. The color thing is really driving me bonkers. So, he calls my doctor and makes and appointment for us to see her tomorrow. He calls me and tells me this. He says that I am stressing out too much. He said, "Didn't you say you feel like you are going crazy?" WHAT? I did say that about the color situation. IT is driving me crazy. The COLOR is driving me crazy. The money to find a color is driving me crazy. The ability to not pick the right color is driving me crazy! That is what CRAZY I am talking about.

I cannot believe my husband! When I say he is driving me CRAZY we do not go to the doctor.

Maybe I am. I just have this incredible need to have the color right and to have it feel beautiful. I do not know how to do this. I feel incredibly inadequate. And, I wanted it finished months ago. We are a month away from having a baby. And, she needs to be healthy. She needs a healthy mom too. A color sane mom.

Everyone asks what color her room is. I have no color. I am not like other mom's who have a closet full of fun, frilly clothes. I have bedding that "will do" as always. I have no name. I just feel her pushing inside and I love her. At the same time I wonder how messed up she is going to be because I keep crying and become incredibly stressed out. I know you are thinking that I am so whatever. I know that there are so many arms that want a baby and I am concentrating on such little things. I know this and I feel this. I just want everything to be perfect. I love order and my home does not feel like order. I need completion. That is driving me CRAZY!

I need a friend who has good color sense. Can you come over and help me pick a color today? And, will you do it for free? I will make you my famous breakfast or cookies sometime. Please, I need a friend with decorating sense to help me. I need my husband to not think I am CRAZY- Crazy, too. Oh well, that's life.